This profile from the Jan/Feb 2012 edition of InSpire talks about how the couple met, and how they keep their love going strong.
A Senior’s Moment
By Kate Thompson with Marilyn and Roger Crisp
*Editor”s note: Technically, Marilyn is not a senior, and Roger does not feel like a senior, so they almost did not consent to this interview. In order to get them to agree, some liberties have been taken with the definition of “senior”.
Sitting across from Roger and Marilyn Crisp in Swiss Chalet, it is easy to see why their marriage has lasted 40 years. Roger doesn’t even bother to look at the menu. Marilyn knows exactly what he is going to order – right down to whether he prefers white or dark meat. It is entertaining to watch them as they banter back and forth. Roger spouts off some sarcastic comment and Marilyn gives him a half-hearted whack – like she thinks he’s hilarious but doesn’t want to encourage him. It is because of that obvious affection for each other that I wanted to interview Roger and Marilyn – to find out how they make their marriage work.
Roger was born a Nova Scotian in a little place called Paradise. (Insert your own joke here). In 1970 he moved to Fredericton to take a teaching job at Fredericton High School. His former pastor, Reverend Ken Thompson, was now ministering at Grace Memorial and so he decided he would make that his home church. He used to sit near the back of the church and every week he would look up into the choir loft and gaze at the young woman who was singing from the front row of the choir.
Marilyn Downie was a native Frederictonian who was also a teacher. One day Pastor Thompson met her in the hall and said, “Have I got a man for you!” Apparently Roger had been to his house for supper and couldn’t stop talking about her. A short while later they were introduced by a mutual friend at a teacher’s convention and then it became appropriate for them to talk to each other at church. They must have had a lot to say, because they were engaged in three weeks and married seven months later. “I am usually slow to make decisions, Marilyn tells me, “But I had no problem saying yes to Roger. Mom and Dad really grew to love him, so that helped.” The two were married on October 8, 1971, and it rained all through their honeymoon. (It is a good thing they didn’t take that as an omen).
I ask the two what they like most about their partners. Marilyn answers right away by saying that when Roger does work for someone, it’s really good work. “He doesn’t try to get away with the least that he can do. That implies integrity.” Roger has to think a little about his answer, but eventually he concedes that Marilyn is a caring person and a really good cook. His response reminds Marilyn of the time when he asked her if she could cook. Marilyn was still living at home and her mother did all the cooking, so she replied that she didn’t know. “Roger looked so distressed I began to wonder if this was going to be a deal breaker,” Marilyn admits. She must have had other redeeming qualities though, because Roger went through with the marriage. “Another thing about Marilyn is that she is a fuss-budget,” Roger informs me. “I would give you a definition of that, but my marriage wouldn’t make it to 41 years.” After some prodding he tells us that means that she pays attention to details, and he really admires her for that.
Forty years of marriage does not come without its struggles, however. Roger says that the hardest part of being married is having to admit you’re wrong. (I bet that’s something he’s had to do often). What Marilyn finds most difficult is having to make compromises, and it seems like married life is just one compromise after another. This is especially true when kids come into the picture. The Crisps have three sons – Andrew, Byron and Stephen – and they say that when they had children, their whole outlook on life changed. Their priorities were different because now they had other people to think about. “Having kids brings you your greatest happiness and your greatest burdens,” Marilyn says. “Sometimes you wonder if you really have what it takes to go the distance.” Despite the challenges, Roger and Marilyn love their sons deeply, and their love has expanded now that they are in-laws and grandparents. They adore their three grandsons and three granddaughters and enjoy spending time with them.
Of course, the Crisp’s marriage wouldn’t be what it is today without God’s blessing and influence in their lives. Both of them grew up in the church and gave their lives to Christ as teenagers. Roger got baptized around 14 or 15 because felt that it was what God was calling him to do. Marilyn was singing in the choir for a Leighton Ford Crusade at the Lady Beaverbrook arena and responded to an altar call when she was 14. She was baptized two months later. Their relationship with God has continued to grow ever since. Marilyn prays all the time (sometimes out loud, if she is alone) and tells God everything that is on her mind. She tells me that she tends to take after her mother, who worried all the time. When she starts to feel like that though, she talks to God, and he brings to mind the verse from Philippians 4:6. Do not be anxious about anything, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Whenever she does that, she is much calmer about things. At night, as she prepares to go to bed, she talks with God about her day, and all the things for which she has to praise, petition or repent. “It is so wonderful to fall asleep thinking about God and feeling safe in his arms”. Roger deepens his spiritual relationship by seeking God’s will and approval for every decision he makes. This constant dialogue brings the two of them closer to God. Consequently, they can go to God at any time (especially in times of trouble) and be confident that he is near.
To close out our time together I ask the pair what has kept them coming back to Grace all these years. “A car,” Roger quips. I give him a “be serious” look and he replies by saying, “I don’t know, we just like it. There is a sense of family”. Marilyn continues with “I like that our church doesn’t cater to one specific group. There are so many different musical talents in our church and David [Steeves] is so good at getting them involved. He knows how to blend different styles and still make the service reverent and worshipful.”
After sharing a meal with the couple, It is evident to me that the secret to Roger and Marilyn’s lasting marriage is love – a loving church family and a deep love for each other that all flows from the abundant love of Christ.
